Forgiveness: The Key To A Successful Marriage
I remember the first time I met my husband, he was well dressed, soft spoken and had good manners. I thought to myself, Wow! Well groomed man! I used to work for a global corporate bank and at the time he attended many meetings with the CEO and that’s how we met. At first we just became friends, then one day he asked me out to dinner. I accepted the offer and that was the beginning of a serious relationship.
We got married on the 8th of July, 2010. We were declared Mr. and Mrs. AYUK! The first 2 years were heaven on earth and we tolerated each other a lot. One thing I have realized is that we can pretend for awhile, but eventually our true colors come out. We noticed there were things we never liked about each other. We were very stubborn and defensive, we never said sorry easily... that’s when things started going south....
I knew my husband loved me very much and I used to think to myself that I wasn’t replaceable, for that reason I used to point my nose to the air full of confidence.
My husband grew up as an only child and as a result of that he loves attention. I too love attention because I was the youngest child in my family and the whole family used to give me attention all the time—hence that’s what I expected in my marriage. This ultimately led to conflicts in our relationship. We failed to settle and to meet half way with our needs.
I will take you back to 3 years ago in 2015...
The year of 2015 was the beginning of a disaster. I noticed so much change in our marriage. My husband became so arrogant, which wasn’t the man I knew him to be. I noticed there was something going on but I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. All of a sudden, he started making excuses for business travels, mainly during weekends which didn’t make sense to me. Then one day a lady called early in the morning, around 6:00AM whilst my husband was taking a shower. I decided to take his call and a lady answered on the other end of the phone, “Good morning my darling.” I asked her name, she immediately hung up. I wrote down the number and name to investigate who she was. Once he got out of his shower I mentioned he had a call but the person hung up. Looking in his eyes he looked so guilty but pretended not to be bothered.
I found out about the lady and came to realise my husband was having an affair. It took 3 months for me to confront my husband and he was very defensive until I caught them red handed, together, in a parking lot. I don’t know why, but I used a route that day which I never use going home and saw the license plate on the car and realized it was my husband. I found him having lunch in the car with the lady! It wasn’t easy! I had to breathe in and out to stay calm. When I went up to them, both of them jumped up like they saw a ghost. I asked my husband what he was doing, he didn’t have a response and I drove away.
After this, things got worse because there were mixed feelings of love and hate. My husband tried to apologize but I wasn’t ready to forgive. Eventually we stopped talking to each other. In 2016 my husband decided to move out to live with his girlfriend. I didn’t fight for him because of my ego and I let him go because he wanted to move in with his girlfriend.
It was extremely difficult to adjust but I thank God he continued supporting us financially. It was now just me and the kids. It was like me against the wall. One thing I know is that prayers kept me going. I kept telling myself that I will overcome this situation and I refused to let depression overcome me. I only wanted to hear positive vibes and refused any negative words. Indeed it surely kept me going and I started becoming a better person and a better mother. I was more concerned about my kids than myself and during that season I became a new person. I became more sensitive to others. Yes, we did it! We survived.
After 1 year and 6 months, my husband decided to come back home... he came down on his knees asking for forgiveness. For some reason I knew that I still loved him and I chose to lay down my ego. I asked 3 things from him:
1. HIV test - which we were both tested and the results came back negative.
2. Renew our vows - loyalty/commitment.
4. Forgiveness and start all over.
We’ve become more sensitive to each and pray together as a family, we’re working hard together to become better people.
Love is not easy but you need to fight for what is yours.
Never give up on your loved ones! The devil fights against your plans but never give up!
I still love my husband and I have forgiven him. Unconditional love for your loved one is crucial. Always forgive, it is the key to reconciling. A successful marriage is made out of two good forgivers.
My name is Claire Ayuk, founder of Phenomenal Women in South Africa. I have been married for 8 years to Emmanuel Ayuk. We thank God for blessing us with two beautiful children a boy and a girl. We are both doing our own businesses, it wasn’t easy at first but now things are going in the right direction- flourishing. You can connect with me on Instagram: @claireayuk and Twitter: @claireayuk