Marriage: It's Simple Yet Not At All Simple
Our names are Dale and Heather Aceron. We have been married since 1999 and are raising 5 wonderful kids. Our oldest is from one of Heather's previous relationships, our middle three are ours together, and we officially adopted our youngest son in 2014 after being in our care since he was just 8 weeks old. To say we are busy is an understatement.
To paint a picture of life before our family, we were together for over a year, constantly fighting and always breaking up. To make it worse, before we were engaged, we weren't even going out. In fact, we were quite broken up at the time. However, the actual engagement all happened before we knew what was even happening.
How We Met
We ran into each at a bar and started talking. It was May of 1999. The year of Y2K. When the digital computers rolled over to 12:00:00AM January 1, 2000 and the world was supposed to end (it didn't). Which led us into a deep conversation after a few drinks. Heather didn't want to die without being married. She was terrified. And so, being the gentlemen I am, the seeds were planted and plans began to form that moment.
We ended up at Heather's place and the plan was for me to stay the night. Heather was washing up for bed and I was in the other room. And the plan kicked in. I met her in the bathroom and asked her for a ring she was wearing. Unknowingly, she pulled it off her finger and gave it to me. Little did she know, I was in the next room, down on one knee, slurring out the words, "Heather, will you marry me?". She said "Yes", we passed out on the bed and in the morning we looked at each other asking "what did we do?" And the wedding plans began.
After a few months of sharing our vows together, saying "I Do" and settling into our new life, we quickly experienced some definite challenges in our marriage. It certainly wasn't as bliss as we had hoped. And it definitely wasn't what we thought we signed up for.
We fought daily about every single thing, we both brought so much baggage to the marriage that we clearly hadn't dealt with. We had more problems than you can shake a stick at, and, we really had no idea what we were doing. We started to wonder why we even got married in the first place. It was a hot mess and it felt like there was no way things were ever going to get better! It was so bad that by the infamous 2 year marker, talks about divorce had already began and the papers were about to get signed.
The Turning Point
BUT, things took a turn for the better. In fact, just when we thought that all hope was lost, hope is what kept us together.
There was a part of us that didn't want to end it. Because it's such a final step. So we agreed to give it one more try, only this time, we needed some outside help. We both knew that because we got ourselves in this mess, there was no way we were going to get ourselves out of it. So we looked outward. To both God and others with successful marriages. We got connected with a mentor who walked us through some really hard moments. We answered some difficult questions, confessed some horrible truths and experienced enough pain that could last a lifetime. But because we began to trust God in our marriage and not ourselves, things changed. He guided us through the muddy waters every step of the way and day by day, we began to notice some changes in how we treated each other. Things like positive speech, selfless acts and better communication. Now it wasn't amazing on day one, but it certainly got better for sure.
On top of all that, we worked hard, like REALLY hard to improve our marriage. We attended conferences, read many books, continued to seek counsel from our mentor, and we focused on making it work. It wasn’t always easy, but we made a commitment to each other to give it all we’ve got. And to date, we can say we have a good marriage that strives to become great every day.
Creating Our Legacy
As we live out each day in front our kids, we make it a point to display our sacrifice for each other, our love and affection, and also the fun that we enjoy as a couple. We feel it is so important for us to live out what a good marriage should be like in hopes that all of our children will take our cues and adopt them in their marriages as well.
The greatest compliment we could ever receive from any of our kids is, "When I get married, I want to be a husband/wife just like you!" And we know we're on the right track because we have heard that from a number of kids already and we couldn't be happier!
Another thing that I, Dale, do is talk to our sons about how a woman should be treated. In this day and age, it seems as though respect is starting to lose it's place when it comes to treating women.
And in the same token, I try as best I can to tell our daughters how they should be raising the bar when it comes to being treated by other guys. Simple things like, being polite, appreciative, kind with words and even protective. These days, doing half of those seems to be quite a tall order for most.
Bottom line, as parents, we try to display and talk about Love and Respect every chance we get.
From all the experiences we have been through, both highs and lows, our marriage was repaired and is now being built on simple foundations. Selflessness, trust and communication. By ensuring that everything is done through the lens of sacrifice, coupled with clear, respectful and timely communication, a marriage can be moved from a place of mediocrity to pretty good within no time by applying some hard work and cooperation from both partners.
We couldn't believe how quickly our marriage improved by simply applying those foundations to our marriage. Now don't get us wrong, simple is not the same as easy. In fact, it was the hardest few years of our marriage, but it certainly was worth every tear and heartache.
Our Golden Rule
As we mentioned in our journey, we went through a lot of struggles and challenges, especially in the very beginning. And one very important aspect that we both held on to, and still do to this day, is that we both have set it in our hearts that no matter what happens, we are on the same team and we are in this until the very end.
That all started in the beginning when we both decided and agreed to never throw the term 'divorce' around as a fighting tactic. It is our golden rule that we both decided early on so that we would never have to worry about it in our daily lives. We are confident and secure knowing that we both are working hard at getting through the tough stuff together as a couple, as a single unit and as a team.
Hey Guys! We are Dale and Heather Aceron.
Two individuals with a crazy passion for seeing Marriages and Relationships continually improve and get to a healthy place in their life where daily, their marriage is like Heaven on Earth.
We’ve been married since 1999 and have 5 funny, active and lovable kids. In the beginning of our marriage, it sucked, BIG TIME! We fought daily, brought so much baggage to the marriage there was no more room for anything else, and we had more problems than you can shake a stick at. It was so bad that Year 2, the divorce talk began and the papers were almost signed.
But then things changed. We found God, our lives changed and our marriage began to look a little brighter. Life started to become something we enjoyed.
Out of all that, we worked hard, like REALLY hard to improve our marriage. We attended conferences, read many books and focused on us together instead of us individually. It wasn’t always easy, but we made a commitment to each other to give it all we’ve got. And to date, we can say we have a good marriage that strives to become great.
And now we want to share our journey and the things we’ve learned in hopes of helping other marriages get to the same place. This is why we started Quick & Dirty Marriage where we offer quick and practical, simple marriage advice through our podcasts.
Marriage: “It’s simple yet not at all simple!”
Here are some links below to connect with us and the resources we offer:
We hope you listen to the Podcast, try some of the advice and continually improve your marriage.